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Good afternoon, Portland! This news blast is brought to you by Detroit airport wifi! 

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Administrators at the Oregon Capitol have agreed to pay $100,000 in the hopes of finding a new legislative equity officer—who coordinates response to harassment and retaliation complaints within the Capitol. OPB's Dirk VanderHart reports that the position has proved almost impossible to keep filled.

• At a press conference this morning, Mayor Ted Wheeler announced that the Portland Police Bureau will station a dedicated police unit of seven officers in Old Town's "entertainment district."

• It's Tuesday and that means the Mercury has free tickets to upcoming shows, and we'd love to put these puppies directly in your hot little hands. This week we're giving out passes for Marcus Mumford— founding member of Mumford & Sons—Matisyahu, and Lamb of God! You have until Thursday to enter!

• Six months ago we could not have told you where Portland's comedy scene was headed. But now? We spoke with some of the city's favorite comedians about the pandemic, how it changed them, and how it changed Portland comedy.

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:

• 47 brazen Minnesotans is the new 30-50 feral hogs is the new 12 angry men. But seriously, 47 brazen Minnesotans are accused of defrauding a pandemic program aimed at feeding children for $240 million.

• As heartily as I have been ignoring the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II, I am charmed by the idea that Prince William is JUST NOW moving into the spotlight—as if those glossy chompers weren't shining from the cover of Tiger Beat for most of his life. Thots and prayers.

• I hear that Portland is "turning into Detroit" pretty often, but as someone from Detroit... Portland really has nothing on the motor city's sheer casual grandeur:

 
 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by Suzette (@smithzette)